When Deb Tremain and her husband reached their twentieth wedding anniversary, they found themselves at a crossroads many couples recognize. “We thought, well, if we’re going to have kids, we better have them now — because we’re old,” Deb says with a laugh. What they didn’t know then was that this decision would lead them into one of the most meaningful chapters of their lives.
A Life Changing Knock at the Door
They began the foster care licensing process with no expectations beyond wanting to grow their family. The day their license was approved, the phone rang: a sibling set of three — ages one, two, and four — needed placement immediately.
“It was our first and only placement,” she recalls. “Two were in diapers. My husband had never changed a diaper in his entire life. It was like having triplets… but we didn’t know any different.”
The children had already been through four previous homes. They arrived with the behaviors and emotional weight that often come from instability. But they also arrived with a chance at permanence.
Two years later, the adoption was finalized. Today, those once tiny toddlers are 14, 15, and 17. “They’re my kiddos, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything,” Deb says. “The reward at the end was absolutely worth the process.”
Humor, Healing, and the “Third Shelf”
As the kids grew, the family found ways to talk about adoption with honesty and humor. “We always joked that the stork delivered them,” she says. “Because how else do you explain someone knocking on the door and handing you three kids?”
Her daughter — now a witty, snarky teenager — added her own twist: “You picked me off the third shelf. Not the first or second — the third shelf.”
It’s become a running joke in their home, a reminder that adoption stories can hold both complexity and joy.
From Adoptive Parent to Adoption Program Manager
Years later, she joined Lutheran Family Services as the Adoption Program Manager — not because she wanted to support other families walking the same path.
“Honestly, I didn’t even know LFS had a foster care or adoption program when we started,” she admits. “We lived in Lincoln, and we only knew about one agency. But now that I’m here, I want more families — especially in Lincoln — to know [LFS] is an option.”
Since joining LFS, she has already supported multiple adoptions. “Most of them are quick turnarounds,” she explains. “It’s not like you get nine months. Sometimes it’s days.”
One birth mother changed her mind, then returned — and the adoptive family met her on Wednesday. The baby was born Thursday. Another family was matched while still in the program and is now finalizing their adoption.
“It’s fast, emotional, and beautiful,” she says. “Every story is different.”
For Deb Tremain, adoption isn’t just a job. It’s personal. It’s transformative. And it’s a reminder that families are built in many ways — sometimes with a knock at the door, and always with love.
This Mother’s Day, we honor every mom, foster mom, adoptive mom, soon-to-be mom, and mother figure who shows up with love, patience, and courage. Your journey matters. Your story matters. And the families you build make our communities stronger.
Deb’s Advice for Families Considering Adoption
Her guidance is simple — and grounded in lived experience:
Be patient.
“There’s a reason the process is step by step. It’s long, but it ensures the right match and the right support for everyone involved.”
Understand the commitment.
“It’s not overnight. I wish it were that quick. But the outcome — expanding your family — is worth every step.”
Know that you’re not alone.
“Support matters. We had an incredible experience with our extended family. My in laws never treated our kids as ‘adopted’ — they were just their grandkids.”
